talk to me bro
THE ILLAWARRA-BORN CHARITY AIMING TO PUT AN END TO MALE SUICIDE
Words Helen James, blackhorsecommunications.com.au Images Anthony Smith @anthonysmithmedia
As Australia Day 2018 drew near, Jack Brown was looking forward to enjoying a barbecue with his cousin Matt Simpson and friends – just having a beer and a laugh in the sun. They were close, more like brothers than cousins. But a frantic phone call telling him Matt was missing marked the turning point at which life was irrevocably changed, a chasm dividing before and after, for all who knew and loved Matt.
At 37 years of age, Matt took his life on January 27, 2018. Loved by many, and happily married, Matt had hidden his despair, sharing his inner turmoil with none of his family or friends. In her grief, Matt’s wife Kristy recognised the roadblocks that had stopped her husband from reaching out for help, and printed T-shirts with the words Talk 2 Me Bro for the funeral pallbearers to wear. Her courageous act was the birth of the Wollongong-based charity that has to date impacted an estimated 25,000 people. Talk2mebro has just one primary purpose: to end male suicide. It’s catch cry – brothers don’t let brothers fight alone.
“We want to normalise the chat around mental health, and help men see that it’s a rough patch they’re in, not a rough life”
Matt is just one of around 2500 Australian men lost to suicide each year – tragically, it is the leading cause of death for males aged 15-44. The Illawarra Shoalhaven area consistently records male suicide rates higher than the national average. Jack says he nearly became a statistic himself. “After Matt died, I went to a dark place that I couldn’t see a way out of,” he says. “But before I acted on my thoughts, I picked up the phone.”
Today, Jack heads up Talk2mebro and carries the message of connection to others, challenging the social and cultural constructs preventing Australian men from talking about what they are going through emotionally. “We want to normalise the chat around mental health, and help men see that it’s a rough patch they’re in, not a rough life,” says Jack.
Talk2mebro tackles the stigma that keeps suicide in the shadows head-on with early intervention workshops in schools, groups, corporate settings and remote communities, empowering men to take control of their mental health and emphasising the importance of checking in with their mates. “We can facilitate groups in any setting, for any age, anywhere – from a professional association to a smoking circle in a remote area,” says Jack. “Having a low point in mental health is a universal experience”.
“I’ve made so may new friends and get social support from like-minded people. Everyone fits in here.”
The beating heart of Talk2mebro is the 6am catch-up at City Beach, Wollongong, every Friday. Free of charge, it kicks off with an ice bath, dip in the ocean and then coffee and chat at a nearby cafe. Anywhere between 20 and 50 blokes turn up, some bringing their school-age sons. One of these fathers, Beni, brings his eight-year-old along to be around positive role models and learn healthy ways of managing stress. “Everyone here is about improvement and healthy living,” Beni says. “It’s not about going down the pub and getting blind. Even if you don’t have an issue, it’s great to make the commitment to come, and enjoy the positive vibe”.
The energy even at this early hour is high and infectious, with smiles, hugs and handshakes all round. Many are keen to share their experience with ‘the bros’ and the significant positive impact it has made in their lives. Alex has only been coming to the Friday catch-ups for a few weeks, but has already felt the benefits. “Here we have real conversation and friendship. It totally challenges the culture of toxic masculinity. Everyone is accepted into this safe space, gay or straight, and whatever your skin colour.”
Adrian agrees: “This is a healthy space to be around other men and see what connection is. Masculinity is about being a role model, and a protector – not a perpetrator – of violence.” Neurodiversity is also welcomed, as Fraser says, “I’ve made so many new friends and get social support from like-minded people. Everyone fits in here.”
Dr Oscar Horky, a local GP and emergency department doctor, has a keen interest in men’s health and sees a broad spectrum of mental health challenges in his workplaces. He recognises the important role that organisations like Talk2mebro play in addressing the multiple, complex factors that impact mental health and may lead to suicide.
“Unhealthy habit formation together with financial stressors and historical trauma commonly lead to poor self-care, substance misuse, relationship strain and overall mental health decline. And it’s common,” says Dr Horky. “Your GP is ideally the first place to seek support in the healthcare system. GPs can establish a Mental Health Care Plan to help patients connect with compatible counsellors and psychologists with subsidised sessions, and work together to set goals for individualised self-care.”
But he also insists that social networks like Talk2mebro are invaluable. “At the crux, whether introverted or extroverted, human beings are social creatures with a yearning to be engaged, heard and valued,” Dr Horky says.
Regular connection paves the way for conversation when things get tough, making it easier to reach out in a time of need. But in an acute crisis, Dr Horky urges sufferers to go to your nearest emergency department if you need to stay safe.
“Do not feel alone. Going to emergency does not necessarily mean you need a hospital admission. We have experienced mental health clinicians to provide an assessment and link patients to services and supports,” he says.
Responding to a deluge of requests,Talk2mebro has started hosting a monthly mixed-gender event to further facilitate conversation and support across the entire community. Jack says the goal is “to create environments where suicide prevention happens every day. Better mental health doesn’t have to be serious all the time. We can get together and have a laugh.”
To connect with talk2mebro, follow on Instagram @talk2mebro_au or visit talk2mebro.org.au.There are no membership fees to join the bros.
